Sometimes I wish I was the kind of girl that liked dating around and hooking up, because it just seems easier that way. But I'm not like that at all. I like having one person to care about, and one person to care about me back. I like having someone you know will be there to fall asleep with you at night. I like putting my trust into somebody, even though it still scares me that it means giving someone full control over your emotions. If they want to hurt you, they have the full power to do so. I always go out into the world with my boundaries and putting up this wall, and not letting anyone in. I act like I don't give a shit and that I'm invincible. But the truth is, I'm not. At all. That's probably why everyone perceives me as being some huge bitch. I hate letting people close because I always get fucked over. And when James broke up with me, my goal was to work on myself and make myself a better person. I didn't want to get close to anybody, in fear of getting hurt again. I can truly say that in the past weeks I have been working on myself in hopes of becoming a better person, a better friend, daughter, sister and even a better possible future girlfriend for someone. But on the other hand, my goal of keeping my guard up and not letting anyone in was not as much of a success. I couldn't have chosen a worse time to let someone in my life, but honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm really happy. I'm really happy with my life and the way things are going right now, and I hope that doesn't change anytime soon.