I'm learning to be happy alone. I'm learning to put myself first. I'm learning that I don't need a boy to be happy. I should have done this along time ago, maybe then I wouldn't have fucked up every relationship I've ever been in. 

It sounds so good, but at the same time I'm becoming very bitter and starting to not give a fuck about anyone else. And that really, really sucks. Besides my family, there are only about 10 people I care about at all. I honestly don't think I'll ever be happy with anyone, I just can't picture myself with someone else. I don't want anyone to get close to me, fuck up my happiness and break my heart again. I don't need that. I can't deal with the emotions of someone else. Every time I become close to someone even in the slightest, I immediately push them away. I tell everyone straight, I don't want a relationship, I don't want a boyfriend, I want to be alone. Why don't people listen to me? Don't waste your time.